Sleep Texts: Irish Temper

Last night I was texting with Catheryne right before I went to sleep. When will I learn that texting right before bed is almost a guarantee that I will sleep text. I threw my phone across the room onto my chair right before I turned off the light. When I woke up this morning, I had no memory of getting up to go get it, so I thought "AHA! I beat it! No texting for me! ...oh." My phone was in my hand.
Here's what we said:

Me: Is that so?

Catheryne: Indeed it is.

Me: Well, I'll have you know that I am not, nor have I ever been, a Leprechaun. And frankly, I resent the implication.

Catheryne: Are you sure? I mean, you wear plenty of green, and you are Irish. Isn't it quite plausible that at least one of your ancestors was a Leprechaun?

Me: I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully: Feck Off.


This sleeptext session has probably made me laugh the most out of all of them. I have never said the word Feck in my daily life, but I think I've heard Irish comedians say it, or on Irish television shows. It's funny what your subconscious holds on to.
I like how Catheryne didn't respond after Feck off. I think the conversation was pretty settled at that point.

Dream: The Divine Divorce, and other Dreams

I had about ten Category 1 dreams last night. I was confused and tired when I woke up. I don't like dreaming that much in one night. In one dream, I was kidnapped by a comedian that I like, Dylan Moran. He locked me in a storage unit, and when I asked him why he was doing this, he just shrugged and said "I don't know." before locking the door.

I dreamed that I worked in an office with cubicles. When you arrived at work you strapped yourself into your chair, and once an hour, your chair would take you to another cubicle for you to work on something else. Obama was my boss, and we called him Obi behind his back.

I dreamed I washed a pot in my kitchen. The end. When I woke up this morning, that pot was sitting dirty in the sink, and I was annoyed that I had spent dream time cleaning it, and now it's still not clean. What a boring dream.



The most notable dream was too short to be a full category 3 epic, but had the subject matter of one. I'm not sure why I have so many blasphemous dreams. I'm pretty apathetic when it comes to religion, but my subconscious seems to like to pounce on it.

I dreamed that God and Satan had originally been lovers. After eons of this love affair, they finally got married. Then God started to put a little too much time in his new project -the creation of the universe, that Satan got jealous. Their marriage began to disintegrate right around the creation of man. The story of Satan's decent into Hell was actually a messy divorce where God got the better dwelling place. They had to split the custody of the angels.

I was a young angel in this dream, and I got sent to live with Satan, even though I didn't like him. I ran away from Hell and tried to go to Heaven to live with God, my favorite parent. But god sent me back, saying it was against the new agreement for him to allow me to live with him. Satan was so angry when I got back to hell. My punishment was to fly continuously over an abyss for 1000 years.

Sleep Writing: Eternal Student

I wrote this in my sleep in 2008. It's in my sleepwalker's handwriting, which can be a little hard to read. It's written on a paper torn out of a school notebook. I remember waking up and finding this. It was under the covers with me. I was still an undergraduate, about a year away from getting my BA degree.

"Something I need to learn is that life does not start after I graduate. School is part of my life. I was put on this earth to learn, to be the eternal student, and to grow. The process is what it is about. There is only the process.
There is simultaneously no distance and infinite distance between myself and the divine. The process of life and learning is both about experiencing the divine, and drawing closer to it.
Age means nothing. I am the eternal student. I am eternally divine."

Take from that what you will. I was certainly nonplussed when I read it the next morning.

Dream: Nighttime Discrimination

I dreamed that all of the diseases in the world had been cured. Medical science not only found cures for all existing diseases, but also found a way to boost the human immune system to withstand almost anything.

This in turn caused the world's population to increase four times over in only 20 years. This period of population growth was nicknamed the "Human Boom." The president and congress held a meeting to discuss the severe overcrowding problem that was happening not only in the cities, but now in the rural areas as well.

They decided that only half of all citizens would be allowed to be awake during the day. The other half would carry on their lives in reverse -sleeping during the day, working at night. It wasn't required for you to be asleep during your designated sleeping time, but you were not permitted leave your home.

All the the government employees and the wealthy classes were designated "day-timers," and the poorer classes became "Nighters." It was covered up by a staged lottery drawing. It fooled none of the poor classes, but there was little they could do about it except attempting feeble protests. It was illegal for a Nighter to be outside during the day, and vise versa, but the penalties were much harsher for them than for the day-timers.

After many years of this, the Nighters became more and more restless and resentful of their oppression. They began to protest by leaving their homes during the day. There was a strong uprising when Congress decreed that in order to simplify the selection process, Nighter statues was now an inherited status.

At first the government kept track of people by requiring everyone to carry with them their Time Status License card. It was a typical ID card, but either imprinted with a yellow sun or a blue crescent moon. You were required to present your TSL card for inspection when asked by anyone in position of authority.
But there were so many people. The population was growing everyday. It was becoming near impossible to keep track of who was a Daytimer and who was a Nighter.
Eventually, all Nighters were required to get a tattoo of a crescent moon on the front of their throats, where the larynx is located. Tattoos were not required for Daytimers.

I wasn't very present in this dream. It was more like a movie than an experience happening to me. But there was one instance that I received a letter from my cousin who lived in Alaska. The situation was much worse up there. Daytimers and Nighters had to prepare for the long months where the sun was light or dark 24 hours a day. The rules were the same. As long as the sun is shining, Nighters are not allowed outside. But during the dark months, Daytimers were allowed outside between the hours of 6am and 10am. There were violent riots, and not enough militia to keep it under control, as there were in the mainland. My cousin's family were Nighters, and they decided to try to escape into Canada, and on to Greenland. The population in Greenland had only increased 100%, and there were no Night and Day rules as there were in America and most of Western Europe. She was taking a great risk in telling me this in a letter. The American government did not look too kindly on Nighter Propaganda.

Sleep Texts: Errands in the Marketplace

Me: There you are! What on earth are you doing over here? Did you forget why we came to the market in the first place? Come on!

Catheryne: Sorry I got lost! I'll go as fast as I can to make up for lost time.
Catheryne: Do we need to get anything else while we're here?

Me: Don't try to lie to me. You were looking at this fabric stall. Some of those are very pretty, I admit.

Catheryne: Fine, you caught me. Wouldn't you just love to buy some of them and make a beautiful dress? Sigh...

Me: Look at this saffron shawl! It's so fine, I can almost see through it!

Catheryne: Wow it's beautiful! I would love to be able to create something so lovely. Wouldn't you?

Me: Well, it's fine to look at. But we have work to do. I already collected the sage and belladonna, with no help from you. You go get the bottles and salve. Be sure to get a good price.

Catheryne: Bottles and salve. Check. What kinds do I need again? I want to make sure to purchase the correct things.

Me: I wish you would pay attention when he tells us these things. Maybe we'd be full assistants if you weren't so easily distracted.

Catheryne: The best price I could get was eleven for everything. Do we need anything else before we head back?

Me: That's a better price than usual. I hope the bottles aren't too thin glassed. Give me the rest of the money. I know how you get tempted in the market

Catheryne: The bottles shouldn't' be too thin glassed. The shopkeeper's son was working today. He gave me a good deal. Shall we return?

Me: What is that in your bag? Did you buy something else?

Catheryne: It's nothing. I didn't buy anything. He gave it to me!

Me: It's that shawl! How did you pay for this?

Catheryne: He gave it to me!

Me: Who did? Don't tell stories.

Catheryne: The shopkeeper's son!
Catheryne: I swear I'm telling you the truth!

Me: How could he have bought you the shawl that we had been looking at ten minutes ago, if he's been working all this time?

Catheryne: I don't know! I swear he gave it to me! Perhaps he had one made before today?

Me: That's a fine story. And how does a shopkeeper's son afford something like that?

Catheryne: I don't know! You should go ask him! I didn't do anything wrong! I just accepted his gift!



Obviously, Catheryne is trying to pull one over on me. She probably spent the rest of the market money on that shawl. Nice try, Catheryne!

I also texted Anjin last night. It was obviously a separate idea than my texting session with Catheryne. I think it was about an hour later.

Me: Ffffffffffffffffffft.

Anjin: (ignoring me, probably thinking it was a strange way of saying hi.): Hey, did you ever text Ashley back?

Me: Don't bother me when I'm breathing.

Anjin: (probably realizing I'm asleep): LOL


I have no memory of texting that. The funny thing is, my phone can't do "fffffffffffft" unless I very specifically spell each f by itself by pushing the 3 button 3x for each f. I guess it was important enough for all that effort.

I think I'm going to start saying "Don't bother me when I'm breathing" in my daily life.

Dream: Vampire Ethics

I was dreaming about Twilight last night. In the dream, I knew I was dreaming. I became so disgusted that i was dreaming about Twilight, my dreaming self forced me to wake up.

When I fell back asleep, I was still dreaming about vampires, but at least they weren't of the twinkly twilight variety.
These vampires never killed. They fed off of humans and animals, but never ended life. It wasn't just out of conscience-it was simply their natural way of feeding. In this world, vampires were known to exist, and lived side by side with humans. The vampires started to protest the human way of life. They held peaceful demonstrations, sit ins and rallies, protesting the way humans sustained themselves.

Humans, they argued, are constantly killing. EVERYTHING they eat has been killed. They must end life in order to live. Vampires weren't like that. They lived a symbiotic existence with all creation, never taking any life. Even the clothes they wore were materials that do not cost the living being its life, such as wool, and cotton.
It was time for humans to end their murderous ways.

I woke up thinking, Vampire Hippies? ...still better than twilight.

Dream: Sin Record

I dreamed of the future. The Catholic church had grown in power and had taken control of most of the world's governments. The Pope was still based in Italy, but a Cardinal was put in charge of each country. The practice of other religious was now not only outlawed, but considered treason.

A new technology had been invented. It was a device that was worn on the wrist and kept a record of the sins of the person wearing it. The government had full access to the Sin Record of any citizen.

Then the Papal Patriot Act was passed, which made Sin Record access available to the public. This information was brought up at job interviews, or whenever anyone ran for office.

It was also used for the purpose of Eugenics. The Vatican believed that the propensity for sin was genetic, and enforced marriages between people with relatively short sin records, while enforcing mandatory sterilization for those with long sin records. . They hoped that they could eventually breed sin out of the human race.